Our family would like to thank everyone for coming, for their prayers and friendship for Mom & Dad during this time - we have truly been uplifted and are overwhelmed with gratitude for so many wonderful acts of service. Mom's family and friends have all been amazed at how this all happened so quickly. 4 weeks before she passed away – she was doing everything she normally did….
Our lives have changed tremendously in the last month. On Sept 12, Mom canceled a retreat she had planned to attend because she kept having a bloody nose and didn't want to inconvenience her friends. She was frustrated the following week because the doctors weren't able to get that taken care of easily. She then started to tell us about some back pain, and told us she hadn't been able to sleep well and didn't have much appetite. We figured she was just feeling kind of 'punk'. When she started to need help getting around the house, we realized that something was really wrong and took her to the hospital that Saturday.
The following Tuesday she was officially diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia and when the doctor explained to her that her options for treatment were very limited and offered little hope for success - she told them "I have lived a good life and I've had a lot of fun. I know my family loves me and they know I love them." She continued to express that she wanted to spend her last days at home and was ready to see her parents, sisters, Dad's parents and some friends who had already passed on. She was at peace and so was the rest of our family with her decision.
We brought her home from the hospital on Thursday, the extended family was able to come to town by Friday and we all had an opportunity to tell Mom 'goodbye' and that we loved her. We are grateful that she was also able to understand us and to communicate her love to each family member. Tuesday, Oct 6 - 1 week from the time she received her diagnosis - she passed away quietly. She always wanted to end her life peacefully - without pain and suffering, without being a burden to her family and in her own home. The quickness of her illness was truly a Tender Mercy from our Heavenly Father.
Mom began her life on Oct 23, 1931. She was born in Ogden , Utah to Dagmar Edel Hansen and John Earnest Hipwell. She had 2 sisters and 4 brothers that died before her and is survived by 1 sister, Mildred LaMoure.
Mom attended Ogden High School . She graduated from Weber State College with a degree in Clothing & Textiles and also attended Brigham Young University . While in college, she participated with several singing & performing groups – most of Mom's current friends don't know that she once had a beautiful soprano voice.
She married Theodore Christian Allebes, Jr on Aug 26, 1955. They began their marriage living in Ogden where their first daughter - Shenna - was born. After they moved to California they had 2 more daughters - Heather & Reaka. They previously lived in Rio Linda & Carmichael and moved to Fair Oaks in 1969. They loved both of their Fair Oaks homes and have made wonderful friends while living in this area.
Mom's great-grandparents were both tailors of fine clothing – and while Mom's mother didn't sew herself (she was an accomplished pianist) – Mom was interested in sewing from a very young age. When she was 4 years old, she would sit and sew at a treadle sewing machine in the hallway with a large block attached to the treadle so she could reach it. And so began a lifetime of her love of sewing & creativity.
Mom and her sisters all loved to sew and create their own beautiful clothing. During the war years, fabric was sometimes hard to come by and one time her Father brought home an old red parachute for Mom to cut apart for material for a dress for a special occasion.
At the end of her college freshman year, Mom was hired to sew the Whip uniforms for the girls Marching & Service group. 117 purple long-sleeved gabardine dresses with white vests. Her Dad said 'you can't stay in this hallway all summer' – so he wired the patio with electricity and added a motor to the treadle sewing machine and that's where Mom spent most of her summer.
I asked Dad what was the most important thing he wanted people to know about Mom. He said that 'she made him a better man'. Let me tell you a little about that:
Dad was born in Holland and immigrated with his parents to Utah when he was a young adult. His parents were both members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but he was not. His mother wanted him to straighten up his life – quit smoking and drinking, etc. Dad served in the Korean War and at one point said a prayer where he promised that 'if he could be spared and return home from the war, he would do the things his mother wanted him to do'.
He did return home from the war, but still felt it difficult to make those changes – throwing the cigarettes into the trash can and digging them back out again. Mom was 'assigned' to go by Dad's parents home to meet him – but he wouldn't come out because he had a hangover. Then they were set up on a blind date. He went to her home to pick her up and he said 'when she opened the door and I saw her standing there in her blue dress she looked like an angel…and I was done for'. He also knew that if he wanted to continue to see this young lady that he would have to give up the smoking and drinking….and from that time on, he never had another cigarette or drink of alcohol.
Soon after that, Mom invited Dad to attend a church function with her where he would be meeting her friends for the first time. He came to the door to pick her up wearing a maroon shirt and maroon tie...probably thinking he looked quite dapper. She took one look at him and said: 'I can't go anywhere with you looking like that. You look like a gangster! You need to go home and change.' Dad said he left and took about 20 minutes to make the 5 minute drive home – thinking all the time "do I really want to go home and change my clothes for this girl? What am I getting myself into?' Of course, we all know his answer – and our family is grateful!
Not only did Mom work on changing Dad's wardrobe, she was also patient about letting him learn to be a good husband, father, friend, Priesthood holder and a better man. Dad is grateful that she let him learn and grow at his own pace without ever nagging him to change. Mom was a blonde, fair skinned & blue-eyed beauty & Dad was a handsome, olive skinned young man with dark wavy hair. They made a very striking couple.
The first job Dad got as a commercial artist in the United States was because of a sketch (the one included in your program) that he did of Mom while they were dating. A friend came by Mom's home and saw that sketch sitting on the table and said he would like to offer whoever did that drawing a job at his sign company. Ironically, Dad had applied at that very same company previously and been turned down for a job. Dad spent the next 40 years working in the sign industry. A job offer from Pacific Neon sign company, prompted their move from Utah to the Sacramento area where they have loved living ever since.
My sisters and I grew up in a home full of creativity, service and love. Although we were not a family that easily expressed our affection – we have always known that our parents loved us. We didn't live 'fancy' – but we had so much beauty around us from Mom and Dad's many talents and continuous opportunities to learn and expand our own talents that we always felt blessed.
Mom always had some kind of project going on and went through lots of different creative phases in her life. At various times she immersed herself in ceramics, stained glass, macramé, tie dye, tole painting, mosaics, upholstery & refinishing furniture, embroidery, trying new recipes…..and always she loved to sew. For many years, she personally sewed almost all of the clothing worn by herself, Dad's mom and us 3 girls. She also loved canning, preserving and eating the food from Dad's garden.
Mom always took care of the family's finances. When they were engaged, she worked for McKesson Drugs as a secretary/bookkeeper. She was always careful with money and to earn money for their honeymoon, Mom cut hair for $3 a haircut – Dad, her father and Dad's father were her willing guinea pigs. She hadn't ever cut hair before that – but said she was actually doing a pretty good job by the time they were married! Dad always had a good job and provided well for our family – but Dad says he never has been able to figure out how Mom was able to accumulate so much 'stuff'. She was careful with their money – but also enjoyed filling her homes and our lives with wonderful things.
Mom earned extra money for the family by doing custom sewing while we were young. I don't remember ever having a 'mess' all over the place – but each spring and summer she would sew all the dresses for several weddings. When they moved to Fair Oaks , Mom started teaching in her home – first macramé, also sewing, doll making and quilting – and taught over 9,000 people a variety of skills and her love of creating beautiful things. She loved sharing her knowledge and talents and encouraged everyone to try new things. Mom & Dad have always felt it very important to share their talents and have enjoyed working together making costumes and designing and building sets for many church and community productions.
After all 3 of us girls were married, my parents took us on a trip to Holland to visit Dad's Dutch family. Dad's family was always fun loving and doing silly skits and singing songs together. Most of them had not met Mom and us girls before. The Dutch family believed in God only in an obscure kind of way. Dad was serving as a Bishop in our church at that time and when the Dutch family heard about that - they expected us to be stodgy and that Dad wouldn't be fun like he used to be. Our visit with them started out pretty formal and Mom said we needed to do something to break the ice. We had discovered that there are lots of different types of toilets in the Netherlands. Some have pull chains and others have buttons on top of the tank or in some secret place that we needed help to discover. Some of the toilets were designed to look like port holes. One of our favorites to this day was a toilet that had a disposable cover that moved around the seat rim after each flush. So - Dad drew a bunch of pictures of the different toilets, Mom worked on some silly words and the 6 of us (Dad, Mom, us 3 girls and Max - Reaka's husband) sang a goofy song to the tune of 'Old McDonalds Farm'...with a 'flush flush here and a flush flush there'...The Dutch family laughed and laughed and we were accepted into the Dutch Allebes family with enthusiasm after that.
NOSE BLOWING BREAK FOR HEATHER!
Over 25 years ago, Mom purchased a local fabric store from friends. It was then renamed Tayo's after my father's Dutch nickname – and a whole new adventure began for Mom, her family and friends! She expanded creative horizons of the community by continuing to teach and share her talents…and always loved to keep learning and trying new techniques herself. She quickly became known throughout the Sacramento area for her quilting skills and soon was teaching, lecturing and doing trunk shows of her amazing quilts and wearable art all over the western states. She has had her quilts and garments exhibited around the world, has been commissioned to create wonderful quilts for individuals and organizations, and has won numerous awards (locally, nationally & internationally) for her quilts and wearable art.
Mom loved to create quilts that told a story – always positive in nature and that would bring a smile to the viewer's face. She has made a LOT of people smile!
Whatever Mom did – she did her very best – she was meticulous in her personal workmanship and encouraged all around her to 'become better'. She took creativity to a whole different level! The quilting and fiber arts community has benefited greatly from her sharing and creativity and the skills she has shared with so many of her friends and students will continue to be a legacy of Emma Allebes – the textile artist.
Mom was a Good Mother. She of course taught the 3 of us to sew. We all still enjoy and use that talent often in our own lives. Mom encouraged her daughters to also try new things: sports, music, animals, camping, swimming, museums, lots of day trips, creative projects at home – were all opportunities she encouraged us to participate in. Mom seldom lost her temper – she was patient, appreciative and hard working. She also taught us to be confident daughters of our Heavenly Father and to appreciate our own uniqueness.
Mom saw beauty everywhere and in everyone. She dreamed in color and had an amazing way of looking at the world. She was interested in people and loved to find out about different cultures, religions & traditions. She instilled in our family a curiosity about the world around us and enjoyed traveling and seeing new places. She was always willing to try something new 'once'!
Mom loved so many things! First and foremost she loved Dad and her family. She loved us all unconditionally. She was so proud of Dad as an artist and gardener and of everything we all did. She loves our Heavenly Father and our brother, Jesus Christ and loved serving in various aspects of our church – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Mom loved her friends – she loved working on committees with them, participating in many organizations, sharing stories on car rides, spending time together on trips and retreats. Mom loved her Mormon pioneer and Norwegian heritage and Dad's Dutch heritage. Mom was Patriotic – and loved and appreciated the blessing of living in this wonderful country of ours. Of course we all know she loved chocolate!...and shoes, crazy socks, buttons & beads, watches, playing dominos, telling stories, black and white checkerboard….and once more – DAD! They have been a wonderful team for 54 years – encouraging, supporting, helping and working together on such a wonderful variety of projects.
Mom was organized and had lists and neat paper piles for 'everything'. She couldn't tolerate unmade beds, dishes left in the sink or hair anyplace except for on your head. You wouldn't ever brush or comb your hair in Mom's kitchen! She loved having friends in their home and planning parties and events – big or small. Mom DID things and made things happen – and was amazing in her ability to get others to help her.
Mom participated in a wide variety of groups: book groups, Pen Women, Gypsy Traders, Daughters of the Utah Pioneers, Studio Art Quilt Associates, Northern California Quilt Council, The Relief Society organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Folsom Quilt & Fiber Guild, River City Quilt Guild, Textile Art Group, Network of Wearable Art and more. She was an active member of these organizations – often serving as President or a member of the Board. She loved the friendships she developed in these organizations.
Here is a part of an artist's statement Mom wrote:
'The basis of inspiration is experience and application. 'When we dare to try, some good will come of it. This theory works in many facets of our lives, including the creating of fiber art….Inspiration is everywhere; we just need to keep our eyes and our minds open. After many years I have found, if I really want to be fulfilled, each day should be a learning experience.' Mom truly lived that.
Mom & Dad talked openly for years about their plans for the end of their lives. Mom's desire has always been to die peacefully – to not suffer or feel pain or to be a burden to her family. While in the hospital, she kept giving me lists of things to do: bills to pay, birthdays to acknowledge, etc. When she received her diagnosis and made her decision to spend her last days at home, those lists for us included: teaching Dad to use the washer & dryer, making sure her committee responsibilities were taken care of and making sure her family & friends knew she loved them.
Mom's sense of humor and story telling continued to the very end….Her hematologist (who had a mustache) asked her how this all started and she explained that it began with a bloody nose. She went on to say and demonstrate with her hands: 'My father taught me how to take care of a bloody nose. You take a tissue and fold it neatly into a little package – a little shorter than your mustache but longer than Hitler's mustache. You get it a little moist and then squeeze out the excess water then you put that under your top lip pressing against the bottom of your nose.' I don't know if the doctor was quite sure of the medical value of that solution, but he found it very amusing.
We are so grateful that her desire to die with dignity was granted and that we had this special time to share to with her as a family. We have shed many tears as a family – but also shared lots of fun memories and laughter…our family is blessed and strengthened by our faith in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and our knowledge that we can be together again with those we love after we die. We are also comforted by our love for each other, by the example Mom has been for us and by the many wonderful friendships we all enjoy – thank you for being a part of that.
NOSE BLOWING BREAK
Our family set up a blog to help Mom's family and friends keep informed about her situation. We will now continue with the blog and encourage you to share your thoughts and memories of Mom. Although she loved to tell stories, and always said she'd like to write a book – she was too busy living life and doing interesting things to stop and take time to write things down. The fun stories and memories you share with us will be part of her legacy for us. The blog address is listed on your program.
It's hard for me to speak of Mom in the past tense – since we truly know that she continues to live on in all of us and that she is now in the next life with our Heavenly Father, brother Jesus Christ and those family and friends that have passed on before her.
Dad, my sisters & I, the rest of our family, Mom's friends – we are all better people because we have been taught and loved by Mom.
Life is Very Good – and our family keeps counting our many blessings!
Beautiful tribute, Shenna. Thanks so much for sharing it for those of us that couldn't be there. Prayers for your father and all of the Allebes family. :)
ReplyDeleteSharon Carr Hatch