Mom liked to play cards; I remember when I was little playing cards with mom often, just the two of us. I can't remember what games we played but I remember enjoying that time together. I still love to play cards.
Mom went through a time when she was very interested in wool in its natural state. I remember her buying wool carders, a spinning wheel and loom. She also had a couple of "drop spindles" (I think that's what they're called). I enjoyed carding the wool and attempting to spin the wool using the drop spindle. Last year when we went to Nauvoo with Mom and Dad, there were demonstrations on carding, dying and spinning wool. I remember feeling fortunate that Mom had exposed us to activities like that when we were young.
I recall Mom's macramé era. Mom taught Macramé for many years, I have no idea how many students she had. While other people were using macramé to make hanging pot holders, Mom went outside the macramé box on a number of occasions. Lochlan wears a beautiful macramé belt that Mom made, I have the macramé head that Mom did and also a tall bottle that is covered completely in macramé and has Mom's initials macraméd into it. Mom also made a beautiful macramé lampshade that I look forward to brining home one day. I know that memory is a tricky thing, but I recall a lovely macramé beaded collar that mom made which was displayed at BYU in their Harold Fine Arts Center, I was so proud that my mother did fine enough work to be on display there,
Mom took an oil painting class. Her project was a lion painting and I love it. When mom told the teacher that this was her first time working with oil paints he didn't believe her. I don't think she did another painting; she had too many other things that she wanted to do. I'm grateful to have it hanging in our home.
Dad took Shenna, Reaka and I backpacking for quiet a few summers. Mom didn't go with us, she used that time to do something that she wanted to do. I don't know if she did this each time, but I remember at least a couple of times that she had purchased something special for each of us for when we came home.
At Christmas my parents would often work together to design an Allebes Family Christmas card. I recall one Christmas when Mom had us all help made paper ornaments for the tree. They are elaborately cut into several designs. One of the designs is a partridge and pear tree, another is two cut out deer, and my favorite is a crèche image. Mom put these on her tree each year and I always loved them. Several years ago when we were at Mom & Dad's for Christmas I remarked to Mom how much I loved them and that I'd like to try to make some one day for our family. A couple of months later I received a package in the mail, Mom had lovingly packed those beautiful homemade paper ornaments in a box and sent them for our family to enjoy. Each year I love putting them on the tree and am grateful for Mom's kindness in giving them to us.
My recollection is that Mom didn't want to be the one to teach us how to sew. She felt that someone else teaching us would be better (and I think she was right on that). Mrs. Clara Deluca taught sewing at Bella Vista High School and each of us girls were lucky to have her as a teacher. Once I started to sew, Mom helped when I asked for it. Mom didn't do any of the actual sewing on my assignments, but she did offer to take out my mistakes as I made them… what a kind offer that was, taking out mistakes is discouraging and the fact that Mom did that for me was instrumental in my not getting too discouraged. I don't know if Shenna and Reaka received that same offer, they probably didn't make as many mistakes as I did. As my sewing improved, mom encouraged me to try more ambitious projects. I think I paid for most of the fabric that I worked with. During my senior year in high school, I entered a contest called 'Make It With Wool'. Mom had encouraged me. I designed an ethnic dress (I'm sure with some help from Mom). Mom took me to a fabric store that carried high end fabric. We had calculated how much material I'd need. There were several colors of fabric, some solids and some prints. When I saw the prices of the fabric I was alarmed. I had a budget in mind and the fabric cost was way over my budget. Mom was not deterred and helped me to pay for it. I felt a strong obligation to do that fabric justice and did my best to make it into a beautiful garment. It's the only garment I have that I made when I was in high school and it's still beautiful.
When Shenna went away to college Mom had us continue to set a place for her at the dining room table each night. I thought that was a little excessive… especially since it didn't stop after a few months. Mom also sent Shenna nice packages. I remember complaining once that Shenna was sure getting a lot of attention while she was away. About a week later a package came in the mail for me from Mom. I can't remember what was in the package, but I remember feeling pretty good about her taking the time to do that for me, just to make me feel like I was special to.
When Mom owned Tayo's she became friends with a woman who made a handmade doll called a Bronja's Baby. Mom made them and I loved them. Years later I asked Mom to teach me how to make them, they're time consuming but Mom was patient in showing me how to do the process. I love making them and giving them to special friends and I'm glad that Mom took the time to teach me how to make them. This year one of my nieces had a baby and Lochlan felt I should make her a Bronja baby. Lochlan wanted it to be light pink, when Mom learned that I was looking for light pink fabric for a Bronja baby, she looked through her stash and mailed me enough to make several Bronja babies of that color.
When Shenna was married Mom wanted to do something special for each of us. She ordered 3 porcelain Dutch girls and gave them to each of us to remember Shenna's wedding day. Later when Reaka and I were married she did something again for each of us. Mom had a special Norwegian necklace that she had 3 replicas made of (I think that was for when Reaka was married, but it could have been for when I was married). Another time she purchased 3 matching Norman Rockwell plates as the commemoration of one of us getting married. I don't know of anyone else who has done something like that; it's just another example of mom being thoughtful. Shenna has always loved tulips. I remember the hours that Mom spent making fabric tulips for Shenna's reception, what a process, and they turned out beautiful.
I served a mission in Adelaide Australia; Mom was supportive from the beginning. Mom sent me packages periodically and she always included something for my companion. Each of them was so touched that she thought of them.
When Merritt and I were married Mom was so excited and I don't recall any stress with wedding plans or on our wedding day. I think I pretty much let Mom do what she felt would be best. When Mom would make a suggestion, I'd respond. If she wanted input, I gave it. Since I served with Vietnamese refugees for much of my mission, Mom thought I would like to have some Asian food. Mom arranged to have Merritt and I taste a variety of different foods that Mom had someone prepare. We chose the things that we liked the most and Mom followed up with it. For our "wedding cake" a tower of Asian treats was created. It must have been a big hit because by the time we went to the food table, they were all gone. Mom knew that I was patriotic so she suggested red, white and blue for a color scheme for the reception. Mom and a group of Mom's friends made A LOT of deep red fabric carnations for the reception. Each Christmas we use those red carnations to decorate our Christmas tree.
Mom once took an Asian cooking class and learned a different technique for cooking broccoli which she taught me. You add just a pinch of baking soda to the water and then bring it to a boil before adding the cut up broccoli florets. Let it boil uncovered for a few minutes and then drain. The broccoli will be a lovely deep green color; it cooks faster because of the chemical reaction so I only cook it for a few minutes.
Years ago mom had the idea for a quilt with images of the hands of men who were priesthood holders from many nations. Mom asked if I could get the outline of hands of some people of different ethnic backgrounds, and also Merritt's. I approached three men from our church congregation, one from the Middle East, one with Native American (Eskimo) origins, and one from the Hawaiian Islands. Each of them were willing to do this but they probably thought it was odd, I know I felt odd asking them. Hands on a quilt sounded kind of juvenile to me. When Mom had completed the project it was beautiful. The only Caucasian hands on the quilt belong to Dad, Brian, Merritt and Max. Mom submitted the quilt for the first church art competition that included textiles as a category. As part of the submission Mom made a legend to go with the quilt with was a drawing of the quilt and included the names and ethnic origins or each person represented. This quilt was purchased by the LDS Church and has often been displayed. It was also featured on the inside cover of the Ensign Magazine. Mom made extra copies of the legend as well as postcards of the finished quilt. Mom gave me copies to give to each of the men I knew whose hands were on the quilt. I recall one of the men in particular being so touched to be part of that project.
Mom recruited a lot of people to work on a project for Dad (I think this was for when he retired, but it could have been his 70th birthday). Mom asked people to write a memory of Dad for a book she was making, the memory had to be within specific dimensions. Most people would put together a book in a binder form (or something like that). Mom had taken a class and made a truly beautiful book cover with metal and leather which she used for this gift. It's a work of art…
Mom and Dad have friends with an abundance of persimmons. One year Mom started drying persimmons, when Mom learned how much our family loves the dried persimmons, she was generous in sharing them with us. I know there are some dried persimmons in the garage freezer; I hope we'll get to eat some of them…
From the time I was young Mom and Dad often invited people over, couples, families, groups, etc. Mom didn't worry about the house being "perfect" it was tidy and welcoming and that was enough. Merritt and I have adopted that habit of inviting people over to our home, not nearly as much as mom and dad do, but often and we always have a great time. I'm grateful for that example from mom and dad.
Mom was a great support to the people she loved, not just family but many friends. I remember when a family in their ward needed things that Mom participated in a major effort to help them with their home. Mom organized an auction to help a couple keep their home when it was in jeopardy due to large medical bills, thousands of dollars were earned as people came together on behalf of this couple. Sometimes Mom embarrassed me with her high praise, but I appreciated her championship on my behalf. I remember several times when I was in school (elementary, junior high and high school) when I had some difficulty with a teacher or an assignment. If I explained the situation well, Mom was a strong advocate, with Mom behind me, I felt confident to express myself in what would otherwise have been intimidating circumstances.
Mom was great at figuring things out. If we had something that needed to be done and weren't sure how to do it, we figured that next time Mom and Dad visited, one of them would be able to help us get the task accomplished. One year when Mom was visiting she volunteered to make chair covers for some old garage-sale chairs we had, not something we would have wanted to do on a vacation but she enjoyed doing it and we sure appreciated it.
Mom's taste in clothing was sometimes really crazy, but she also had a lot of classically beautiful garments that she had made over the years. When we were kids we had a lot of fun dressing up in mom's formals from when she was younger (don't recall the parachute dress though). When I was in high school I wore one of mom's outfits for homecoming spirit day, I felt like Julie Andrews from Thoroughly Modern Millie. Another time in high school we were having a fundraiser that was a "Monte Carlo Night". I manned one of the tables and wore a formal of mom's made of light pink velvet and light pink tulle… that was a hit with everyone. Another time I wore a grey formal of mom's for a retro mystery night that good friends hosted. Mom had a beautiful beaded knit dress that I loved, she gave it to me and I was able to wear it a few times. I kept it and Madison has it now, she wears it often and always looks beautiful in it. I also have several of mom's "wearable art garments". I have to be feeling pretty confident to wear them since I know I'll be getting some attention when I do, they're fun and I'm always pleased when people are amazed at the creativity and workmanship of mom's garments.
When I talked with Mom and Dad I was always amazed at how busy they were. They accomplished as much in a week as most people do in a month or even a year, and it was just their way of life. I am trying to live as well as my parents have lived, to love and serve others.
Mom was a wonderful example of not only accepting others but finding them interesting and wanting to spend time with them.
I have a lot of memories of vacations with Mom & Dad, following are several.
Approximately 23 years ago Mom and Dad went to The Netherlands; it was Dad's first trip back since emigrating to the U.S. with his parents when he was a teenager. Mom and Dad had a wonderful time. While family was together in Fair Oaks for Christmas in 1987 (I think), Mom and Dad suggested that we should all plan a trip for the spring of 1988. Merritt and I had recently moved to New Mexico and purchased our first home. We knew Merritt couldn't take a long vacation as a new hire. I knew that going on this trip was something I couldn't miss out on. Madison was two years old and since we were new to our area, I wondered how I could make arrangements for her during the day while Merritt worked. Shortly after returning to New Mexico, a sign-up sheet was passed around during church for baby-sitting exchanges. I signed up to babysit other people's children A LOT so that I can earn care for Madison while I went on this trip to The Netherlands with Mom & Dad. I ended up becoming very good friends with Laura Beauchamp and her family through earning babysitting for Madison. I had been working full time up until shortly before this trip was planned and had wondered how I would spend each day entertaining a two year old. Through preparing for this trip and earning baby-sitting for Madison, I learned that having other children over (some children were better matches than others) to play with Madison was GREAT! Shenna and I ended up being roommates on the trip as neither Brian nor Merritt were able to come. Reaka and Max were together and of course Mom and Dad. I had such a great time. Besides paying for my flight over, making arrangements for Madison, and having some spending money, Mom and Dad made all the other arrangements. I recall I was also in charge of taking photos, I have a large box full of them, I think I made copies for everyone, but if I didn't, I at least know where all those pictures are. I'll always be grateful for Mom and Dad suggesting that trip and for the opportunity to spend time with my sisters, my parents, and many of our relatives in The Netherlands. I recall that on the way back Mom and Dad were upgraded to 1st class, I was a little jealous but happy for them... They had organized what was a "first class" experience for all of us.
About 16 years ago (Lochlan was one or two years old), Merritt & I planned a trip to Europe with Mom and Dad (I'm not sure whose idea it was, but it was a good one). Dixie and Odell Larsen, friends of Mom & Dad's were living in Rome. When we arrived in Amsterdam we rented a car for the 4 of us and spent several days in The Netherlands visiting with different family. We drove through France, I think it was there that we stayed in a hotel and had what I consider a "twilight zone" experience. We spent some time in Switzerland where I picked up a piece of carved wood in a trash heap that we now have hanging in our home - I learned from Mom that one man's junk is another man's treasure. I recall that we spent a few days in Florence, we got lost together in Sienna in pouring rain... I was frustrated about not being able to find our way back to the car but I don't recall anyone else being very bothered by it. We arrived in Rome later than planned (due to being lost in Sienna), the Larsens were amazing hosts. Dixie fed us lovely meals; she also dropped us off and picked us up at pre-arranged locations for the days that we were there. I think she spent one day with us. What a great way to visit Rome. We wouldn't have had that opportunity to be hosted by the Larsens without Mom and Dad (mostly Mom) arranging that.
Mom and Dad visited us several times while we lived overseas. The first time was when we were living in Thailand; they were with us for Thanksgiving that year. We were able to purchase tickets for them with air miles that we'd accumulated. They were wonderful guests and we had a great time. I'd asked Mom in advance if she'd be willing to do a demonstration for some of my friends while visiting. Mom was working on her "Women of All Nations" quilt and had brought it with her, everyone was so impressed, I never saw the quilt in its completed state, but I'm happy to have watched part of it's development. Mom also brought with her some little kits so that she could show each of the ladies a technique, they all loved it and Mom was in her element. I'd asked Dad in advance to create a painted canvas nativity backdrop for a "Journey to Bethlehem" which our ward was hosting for the Thai Community. That backdrop was beautiful and was used for many years with literally thousands of people enjoying it. There was a picture of the event in an Ensign article that showed part of the backdrop... Attached is a photo of Mom on an elephant with Madison when we spent a few days in northern Thailand with them. Dad must be taking the picture since he's not on either of the elephants. Just another example of Mom being willing to try pretty much anything.
When we were fortunate to live in The Netherlands for a few years, Mom and Dad visited us and we traveled with them to different places. I knew Mom would like to go to Norway where her mother was born. Merritt & Madison didn't end up going. The trip to Norway is the only trip that I've organized myself. Mom, Dad, Lochlan, Sloane and I went together starting in Oslo and ending in Bergen. I was nervous about "hosting" this. We had a few mishaps along the way (got on the wrong boat) but we all had a great time. Mom was curious and pleased everywhere we went.
When we lived in Singapore, Mom and Dad visited us again. This time they were with us over Christmas. We left Singapore one day and drove to Kuala Lampur arriving in the middle of the night. It was Ramadan (time of fasting during daylight hours) and there were a lot of people up and about in the middle of the night. We attended church together and visited what at that time were the tallest buildings in the world. After Kuala Lumpur we spent a few days in the rain forest, that's were Mom had her infamous landing on her backside when she was walking with us in the rainforest wearing "cute" shoes and a knit top and skirt. We then spent a few days in Penang with the Dan & Wendy Smith family, we all had a great time. While in Penang Dad tried parasailing and had a couple of unplanned adventures in the water. We took a ferry to Thailand and spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning in a motel that was pretty much a dive, Mom and Dad didn't complain... To get to a small island where we had reservations, we had to go from the dock to a narrow boat. The getting down from the dock part was tricky even for someone who was young and agile. Mom saw what was required and didn't make a fuss, she just figured she could do it and she did (with the help of some Thai men). The accommodations on the island were "rustic" by any definition. We stayed in small cabanas that didn't have electricity, we did arrange to have Mom in one that had a "western" rather than a "squat" toilet, but that was the only concession. Mom had a project with her and she worked on it on covered table in the open air restaurants that we ate at... in between games of cards and ordering the yummy cashew chicken and fried bananas that we all enjoyed.
As Sloane mentioned, while we were overseas we spent many summers staying with Mom and Dad, they were both so kind to us with all the turmoil that we brought into their lives at that time.
In July 2001 Mom and Dad joined us for a trip to New York. We spent the 4th of July at Niagara Falls; we all loved seeing the "Horses on Parade" in Rochester. We attended the Hill Cumorah pageant together; we did a session at the Palmyra temple and went to the sacred grove where Joseph Smith had his first vision. We ended with several days in New York City including going to a couple of plays, to museums, the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Mom was excited to see the information about her mother's entry to the United States through Ellis Island. Mom and Dad arranged for tickets to a play that I think Tom Seleck was performing in. He wasn't quite as handsome as Harrison Ford (Mom's favorite actor) but she was really happy to have gone to it, and I was pleased that Mom and Dad arranged that on their own. When we flew into NYC Merritt wanted to use public transportation to get to our accommodations. Merritt had figured what bus we could get on and then what metro station was within easy walking distance of our hotel. We all had luggage but agreed to Merritt's plan. We loaded our luggage onto the bus and got off at the metro. We learned that the metro station that was closest to our hotel was closed; Merritt talked us all into just getting off at the one before that stop and walking the rest of the way. Seven people walking several blocks with luggage was an odd sight. Mom didn't complain but she did arrange to have a van pick us up at the hotel for our return trip to the airport a few days later… I think we all appreciated that!
Mom had often talked about wanting to go to Branson Missouri. Last summer (2008) we scheduled a 10 day trip with Mom and Dad, meeting in Tulsa Oklahoma and then driving to Branson Missouri where we stayed for a few days. I don't think we would have gone to Branson if it hadn't been to fulfill a desire of Mom's. I'm glad we went "for Mom" because we all had a great time doing to the shows, visiting the Roy Rogers/Dale Evans museum, "riding with the Ducks", and joining a congregation of LDS members for their Father's Day sacrament meeting. From Branson we drove to Nauvoo and had a lovely time together, last we drove to Chicago. Mom and Dad loved a display of morphed images at the Art Institute of Chicago. We all enjoyed the Architectural River Cruise and a highlight was time at the Millennium Park (first time we went there we happened upon practice for an upcoming public concert. During this trip mom wasn't feeling 100% and there were a couple of times that Mom and Dad stayed at the lodgings, even though she wasn't feeling well, she was enthusiastic about everything we did.
The last trip we had with Mom was this summer when Mom and Dad visited us here in New Mexico. Mom, Dad, Merritt and I spent a few days at a cabin in Southern Colorado belonging to generous friends of ours. I'm glad that we had that time together, lots of down time to visit, play dominoes, hear stories, and supervise Dad on a painting he was working on as a thank you to our friends. Mom was relentless in making sure the color of the chairs was just right... On the days that we were at our home in Corrales, the dominoes were out a lot of the time. One afternoon Lochlan, Mom and I were playing dominoes; Mom was being silly about how "proud" I was of winning a game. We started cracking up, Lochlan said something like "Mom, I never hear you laugh like that." I should laugh more, I'm glad that one of the last experiences I had with Mom involved a lot of laughter.
On the Tuesday that Mom was diagnosed I was scheduled to fly out from the Sacramento Airport after a few days spent in Ashland Oregon with a couple of good friends. I'm so grateful that I was in the area and that by simply cancelling my return flight, I could be there when the Doctor met with Dad, Shenna, Reaka and I prior to talking with Mom. What a privilege it was to see the way in which Dad handled everything, and to see Mom and her response to the diagnosis. I went through a lot of tissues that afternoon. I also had several opportunities to listen to mom. It was so funny to hear her tell the doctor about her father's lesson in how to treat a bloody nose. Mom also talked about people that she was concerned about and how grateful she was for the many blessings that our extended family has been fortunate to experience. Mom wanted to make sure that the beautiful garments wouldn't be given away to a thrift store, she wanted her loved ones (including family and friends) to have a chance to choose from them. Honoring that request was a joy as so many friends and family selected items that had memories attached to them.
I'm grateful that Mom's illness took her quickly; she had often expressed pride in her family dying well... Not lingering. I hope that I have inherited that.
I'm grateful for Shenna and Chris for the blog where so many memories of Mom have been shared.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you again to everyone who has contributed.
Heather
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