We've been going through a bunch of stuff the last week to help Dad. We keep coming upon things of Mom's that bring back fond memories, make us laugh - and sometimes are outright surprising. Dad showed us yesterday that Mom has a Collection of Christmas Mugs. Now this isn't just 8 or 10 Christmas mugs - it's drawers and drawers full of Christmas mugs! We knew she loved fabric, shoes, beads & buttons, socks, chocolate, Santas, Patriotic things, sweaters and lots of other 'stuff'....but the Christmas Mug collection had Heather & I totally surprised....we just closed the drawers and decided we'll tackle that task another time. We're still shaking our heads on that one!
Mom really did have wonderful intentions of someday writing her Life Story. We've found several pads of paper, journals, notes, etc with just a page or two filled in with ideas or a short thought about her life.
Today we found the following notes on a piece of graph paper:
'When my daughter went to college - only one not to complain about food.'
I wonder which daughter she was thinking about?
'Filing system - put everything on the table in a bag - label occasion for which it was ???'
Couldn't read the last word....this sounds waaay too much like a filing system I sometimes resort to!
'How could anyone let a hobby take over the whole house?'
Is she quoting Dad?...or asking this question herself in observation of someone else?
'Aunt Virginia - collected cats.'
Never heard of an Aunt Virginia....I'm curious!
'Irma Bombeck'
Mom always enjoyed Irma Bombeck's sense of humor.
'Dispersing old treasures is never easy.'
Wow - we can really relate to that one right now!
'Ted said - when we bought the shop (referring to Tayo's Fabrics & Quilts) it was a formality.'
This was in reference to Mom's already prolific fabric stash at home.
'Fabric & using ratio compare with men buying tools - called Black and Decker syndrome!'
Dad's does have lots of garden tools and art supplies - but it still doesn't compare to the quantity of space Mom's fabric, shoes, etc....and mugs occupy!
This is the one that had us laughing over and over....
'Make a pack (sic) with someone. If anything happens to me, get to my house right away and get out as much fabric as you can. The family would be more shocked about the amount of fabric than they would be about my condition.'
Hmmmm - wonder if Mom ever made that 'pact' with someone (anyone want to confess?). We just think this comment, considering Mom's recent passing and our currently going through lots and lots of 'stuff' is hilarious!
Showing posts with label Daily Update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily Update. Show all posts
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
NEED VIDEOS OF EMMA
My son, Eric, is creating a memory video of Emma/Mom/Oma. Most of it will include photos of Mom and video of her family sharing memories of her. However, Eric is hoping someone might have some video footage of Emma that he could also include? If you do have video footage of Mom from something - maybe a fashion/trunk show she did...or anything else? Please let me know....thanks!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Dad often created cards for Mom on his computer - some fun pics with text. We've been helping Dad streamline his life and go through some things and found this 'card' he created for Mom - there isn't a date, but it's especially appropriate to share right now:
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Another great day to commemorate. What a royal word this 'Mother'. Giving of oneself, time energy, as a counselor and teacher, nurse, financial advisor, peacemaker, lawmaker, story reader, school advocate, taxi driver, cook and bottle washer, example of the Lord's commandments and many other positions.
Mom is everything and everywhere and the only reward she has, for the platinum hair, the headaches, the sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the daytime worries, is to see her children grow up gracefully.
I am so thankful that I had enough sense to change my maroon shirt, and start a new way of life. They have been good years and it seem to be even getting better.
I am looking forward to many more years doing things together, and then to meet on the other side and start all over again.
Love you very much, Ted
....read Mom's Eulogy (included in this blog) to understand the reference to the maroon shirt...and of course the last phrase about 'meeting on the other side' is now so very appropriate!....
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Another great day to commemorate. What a royal word this 'Mother'. Giving of oneself, time energy, as a counselor and teacher, nurse, financial advisor, peacemaker, lawmaker, story reader, school advocate, taxi driver, cook and bottle washer, example of the Lord's commandments and many other positions.
Mom is everything and everywhere and the only reward she has, for the platinum hair, the headaches, the sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the daytime worries, is to see her children grow up gracefully.
I am so thankful that I had enough sense to change my maroon shirt, and start a new way of life. They have been good years and it seem to be even getting better.
I am looking forward to many more years doing things together, and then to meet on the other side and start all over again.
Love you very much, Ted
....read Mom's Eulogy (included in this blog) to understand the reference to the maroon shirt...and of course the last phrase about 'meeting on the other side' is now so very appropriate!....
Saturday, October 10, 2009
EVERYONE'S HOME AGAIN!
Late last night, the last of Mom's family arrived back in town. We were all together last weekend to say 'goodbye' and tell Mom/Oma we love her. Now we're together again this weekend to remember Mom and celebrate her very full life.
Mom was buried yesterday at the Fair Oaks Cemetery - a quiet, small cemetery where my Dad's parents are also buried. It is close to their home and in a neighborhood full of trees. A nice place to rest.
We have more extended family in town this time - Mom & Dad and Brian (my husband) and I last saw them in early August at a family wedding in Southern California. That was a fun celebration of the beginning of a new young family. Today we will be together to celebrate Mom's life full of service, learning, sharing and creativity.
We're looking forward to seeing many of Mom's friends at her Memorial Service today and know that many others will be thinking of us.
The family has been busy preparing for today - clean house, new sheets on the beds for visitors, friends homes available for family to stay, made more black and white checkerboard bows (lots more people know the difference between gingham and check now!), programs prepared, song practiced (sort of), more wonderful food dropped off (2 fridges stuffed full - amazing!), flowers ordered, yard & garden spruced up, old family video converted to DVD for after the service...and lots more.
Gotta go - I have a talk to prepare....how do you capture the life of someone like Mom in 20 minutes?....It's gonna be a Great Day full of tears and laughter!
Mom was buried yesterday at the Fair Oaks Cemetery - a quiet, small cemetery where my Dad's parents are also buried. It is close to their home and in a neighborhood full of trees. A nice place to rest.
We have more extended family in town this time - Mom & Dad and Brian (my husband) and I last saw them in early August at a family wedding in Southern California. That was a fun celebration of the beginning of a new young family. Today we will be together to celebrate Mom's life full of service, learning, sharing and creativity.
We're looking forward to seeing many of Mom's friends at her Memorial Service today and know that many others will be thinking of us.
The family has been busy preparing for today - clean house, new sheets on the beds for visitors, friends homes available for family to stay, made more black and white checkerboard bows (lots more people know the difference between gingham and check now!), programs prepared, song practiced (sort of), more wonderful food dropped off (2 fridges stuffed full - amazing!), flowers ordered, yard & garden spruced up, old family video converted to DVD for after the service...and lots more.
Gotta go - I have a talk to prepare....how do you capture the life of someone like Mom in 20 minutes?....It's gonna be a Great Day full of tears and laughter!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
ORGANIZED MOM - SHENNA REMEMBERS
I know I have many traits that I've learned from my Mom. I'm a perpetual list maker, great at covering horizontal surfaces with paper piles (ask my husband!), love to sew and consider myself quite organized...and more. But so often she really saw the world in a totally different way. Left Brain & Right Brain. Mom's Brain has always been so totally creative that she can't help herself - my Brain is really stuck in the logical mode most of the time.
Here's an example...
About 5 years ago my husband and I did an extensive remodel on our home - added on a big Great Room and totally redid the kitchen. It was also the same time that our youngest son was getting married in Idaho. We planned a nice Open House for Eric & Nat at our home when they would be visiting for Christmas - Dec 28. On Dec 23, I was just having my countertops and sink installed and still had to put everything back in the cupboards to get ready for Christmas and 200+ guests for the Open House.
Mom came over to help me get things put away. I had planned a drawer for my spices with a nice divided organizer and asked her to put those away. I ALWAYS alphabetized my spices in my cupboards so I can find them easily...seems so Logical to me! When I looked in the drawer after Mom was done, she had put them away Color Coordinated and by Size of the container! All the green screw top lids were together, all the red metal boxes were together, etc. I laughed out loud! I couldn't find anything!...and quickly switched it around to 'my way'.
Mom came back another day to help me some more and the next day when I reached into my spice drawer while cooking I realized that Mom had been in there and REarranged that drawer back the way she thought was correct. AARRRGGGHHH!! A big exasperated sigh from me!...and I quickly switched them all back again...alphabetical - the way I wanted.
The evening of the Open House for Eric & Nat, I saw Mom starting to open my spice drawer...I knew she was checking to see if it was still the way she had left it! With a smile on my face, I said something like: "Mom, don't you dare rearrange my spice drawer again! I'm a grown woman with a home of my own and I WANT my spices alphabetical so I can find them easily." She looked at me with this truly perplexed expression and said "but they look so much prettier when they're organized by shape and color". Oh my - everything she did was determined by her unique perspective of life...shape, color, texture, beauty. I'm sure she was still convinced that my spice drawer would be much Prettier if I let her organize it - but she never did rearrange it again. My funny, quirky Mom!
Here's an example...
About 5 years ago my husband and I did an extensive remodel on our home - added on a big Great Room and totally redid the kitchen. It was also the same time that our youngest son was getting married in Idaho. We planned a nice Open House for Eric & Nat at our home when they would be visiting for Christmas - Dec 28. On Dec 23, I was just having my countertops and sink installed and still had to put everything back in the cupboards to get ready for Christmas and 200+ guests for the Open House.
Mom came over to help me get things put away. I had planned a drawer for my spices with a nice divided organizer and asked her to put those away. I ALWAYS alphabetized my spices in my cupboards so I can find them easily...seems so Logical to me! When I looked in the drawer after Mom was done, she had put them away Color Coordinated and by Size of the container! All the green screw top lids were together, all the red metal boxes were together, etc. I laughed out loud! I couldn't find anything!...and quickly switched it around to 'my way'.
Mom came back another day to help me some more and the next day when I reached into my spice drawer while cooking I realized that Mom had been in there and REarranged that drawer back the way she thought was correct. AARRRGGGHHH!! A big exasperated sigh from me!...and I quickly switched them all back again...alphabetical - the way I wanted.
The evening of the Open House for Eric & Nat, I saw Mom starting to open my spice drawer...I knew she was checking to see if it was still the way she had left it! With a smile on my face, I said something like: "Mom, don't you dare rearrange my spice drawer again! I'm a grown woman with a home of my own and I WANT my spices alphabetical so I can find them easily." She looked at me with this truly perplexed expression and said "but they look so much prettier when they're organized by shape and color". Oh my - everything she did was determined by her unique perspective of life...shape, color, texture, beauty. I'm sure she was still convinced that my spice drawer would be much Prettier if I let her organize it - but she never did rearrange it again. My funny, quirky Mom!
HELP - WE NEED BLACK & WHITE CHECKED RIBBON OR FABRIC
We need help! You know Mom - she's always been so excited that she'll have Black & White checked ribbon on the flowers at her funeral. Now that time has come and the florist doesn't have that available. So - as her family, we're calling for help from her creative friends!
You can read our dilemna with finding B & W checked ribbon. If you happen to HAVE any large B & W checkered fabric (not gingham - checks - you KNOW Mom would know the difference!) or know of someone that would have something like that in their own stash or can check with any local fabric sources (sometimes that B & W large check is not the best quality fab so maybe even Joanns, Hancocks, etc). Of course, ribbon would still be the best!
We'll reimburse you - if Mom's friends can do the 'leg work' - that would be so amazing and wonderfully helpful!
thank you again!
Here's what I'm thinking we need:
Black & White checks about 1", probably 3" wide ribbon - that's the width the florist usually uses. I KNOW I've seen fabric like this - I even had some at Tayo's in the past - but of course I don't currently have any of my own. They said about 8 yards of ribbons was needed for a good bow....
Mom talked for years about having her funeral plans all arranged. We met yesterday with the director of the funeral home and of course he had in his notes from previous meetings with Mom & Dad that Mom wanted Black & White checkered ribbon on her flowers. He said he would check with the florist to make sure they could get that....I wasn't surprised when he came back and said that it just wasn't available. But - I know how important this has always been to Mom - and of course, Dad does also!
So - we WILL have Black and White checkered ribbons on Mom's flowers - somehow! Finding the ribbons would be amazing (but frankly not very likely I fear), finding fabric we could cut into strips and make into ribbon is probably the simplest - if we can find it quickly. Then we'll have to stiffen it up also...do they still have that stuff available called 'Stiffy'? If not, Dad will definitely paint white ribbon with large black checks....he will do anything necessary to make his Sweetheart happy, even now! She's still calling the shots!
Just FYI - if you DO find some fabric or ribbon - buy a bunch! We'll definitely reimburse you. We MUST have the B & W check ribbon on the flowers from the family...and that's probably all that Dad would paint. But if we can find B & W checked ribbon or fabric (to strip and make into ribbon), I'd LOVE to have the florist make a bunch of extra big bows that we can just stick into other flower arrangements that are sent. Wouldn't Mom love that? B & W checks all over....I'm sure she's cheering us all on!
Please call me on my cell - 225-4611 to keep in touch with the progress. If the search IS successful - we'd want to let others know so they can get on with other things in their own lives!
Hugs and Huge Thank Yous!
Shenna Mealey
shenna@bmealey.com
www.shennamealey.blogspot.com
You can read our dilemna with finding B & W checked ribbon. If you happen to HAVE any large B & W checkered fabric (not gingham - checks - you KNOW Mom would know the difference!) or know of someone that would have something like that in their own stash or can check with any local fabric sources (sometimes that B & W large check is not the best quality fab so maybe even Joanns, Hancocks, etc). Of course, ribbon would still be the best!
We'll reimburse you - if Mom's friends can do the 'leg work' - that would be so amazing and wonderfully helpful!
thank you again!
Here's what I'm thinking we need:
Black & White checks about 1", probably 3" wide ribbon - that's the width the florist usually uses. I KNOW I've seen fabric like this - I even had some at Tayo's in the past - but of course I don't currently have any of my own. They said about 8 yards of ribbons was needed for a good bow....
Mom talked for years about having her funeral plans all arranged. We met yesterday with the director of the funeral home and of course he had in his notes from previous meetings with Mom & Dad that Mom wanted Black & White checkered ribbon on her flowers. He said he would check with the florist to make sure they could get that....I wasn't surprised when he came back and said that it just wasn't available. But - I know how important this has always been to Mom - and of course, Dad does also!
So - we WILL have Black and White checkered ribbons on Mom's flowers - somehow! Finding the ribbons would be amazing (but frankly not very likely I fear), finding fabric we could cut into strips and make into ribbon is probably the simplest - if we can find it quickly. Then we'll have to stiffen it up also...do they still have that stuff available called 'Stiffy'? If not, Dad will definitely paint white ribbon with large black checks....he will do anything necessary to make his Sweetheart happy, even now! She's still calling the shots!
Just FYI - if you DO find some fabric or ribbon - buy a bunch! We'll definitely reimburse you. We MUST have the B & W check ribbon on the flowers from the family...and that's probably all that Dad would paint. But if we can find B & W checked ribbon or fabric (to strip and make into ribbon), I'd LOVE to have the florist make a bunch of extra big bows that we can just stick into other flower arrangements that are sent. Wouldn't Mom love that? B & W checks all over....I'm sure she's cheering us all on!
Please call me on my cell - 225-4611 to keep in touch with the progress. If the search IS successful - we'd want to let others know so they can get on with other things in their own lives!
Hugs and Huge Thank Yous!
Shenna Mealey
shenna@bmealey.com
www.shennamealey.blogspot.com
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
EMMA/MOM/OMA'S LAST DAY....
Family & Friends - it is with great tenderness that I need to let Mom's friends and family know that she passed away this evening around 5:30pm. We had a nice quiet day at Mom & Dad's home watching & caring for Mom and helping Dad with some projects. Mom was peaceful and ready....we are so grateful that her last days were short and that we were able to keep her pain free and to care for her during these last few days at home.
We will have a Memorial Service this Saturday, Oct 10, 2:00pm at the LDS Church Deseret Building. It is located at: 8267 Deseret Ave, Fair Oaks, CA, 95628. Funeral arrangements are being taken care of by Price Funeral Home in Citrus Heights.
We would love to have any/all of Mom's family and friends join us for a special Memorial Service in remembrance of Mom's very full life. We cannot possibly extend personal invitations to all that we would like to come. If you are a family member, friend or even acquaintance and would like to come and join us as we remember Mom - we would love to have you there. We will be allowing some time to visit with the family after the Memorial Service.
We will also appreciate your help with continuing to share this info with Mom's family and friends - I simply cannot contact everyone personally about the arrangements on Saturday!
We have already had some inquiries from Mom's friends who would like to honor her memory with a gift. Mom & Dad would prefer a donation to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers. Mom & Dad are very supportive of the Perpetual Education Fund of the LDS Church and would love to have your contributions go to support that effort. Or you may choose a charity of your own. Information about the Perpetual Education Fund and how to donate is available at: http://www.ldsphilanthropies.org/perpetual-education-fund/
We will continue to update the blog: www.emmaallebes.blogspot.com with more stories and memories about Mom and also details about Mom's Memorial Service and would appreciate you continuing to share your thoughts and memories of Mom on that blog. If you're having a tricky time with the blog - just send me an email and I can post it for you. Dad and the rest of our family will continue to enjoy the comments and stories about Mom for a long time to come!
We have much love and gratitude for good friends and family!
We will have a Memorial Service this Saturday, Oct 10, 2:00pm at the LDS Church Deseret Building. It is located at: 8267 Deseret Ave, Fair Oaks, CA, 95628. Funeral arrangements are being taken care of by Price Funeral Home in Citrus Heights.
We would love to have any/all of Mom's family and friends join us for a special Memorial Service in remembrance of Mom's very full life. We cannot possibly extend personal invitations to all that we would like to come. If you are a family member, friend or even acquaintance and would like to come and join us as we remember Mom - we would love to have you there. We will be allowing some time to visit with the family after the Memorial Service.
We will also appreciate your help with continuing to share this info with Mom's family and friends - I simply cannot contact everyone personally about the arrangements on Saturday!
We have already had some inquiries from Mom's friends who would like to honor her memory with a gift. Mom & Dad would prefer a donation to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers. Mom & Dad are very supportive of the Perpetual Education Fund of the LDS Church and would love to have your contributions go to support that effort. Or you may choose a charity of your own. Information about the Perpetual Education Fund and how to donate is available at: http://www.ldsphilanthropies.org/perpetual-education-fund/
We will continue to update the blog: www.emmaallebes.blogspot.com with more stories and memories about Mom and also details about Mom's Memorial Service and would appreciate you continuing to share your thoughts and memories of Mom on that blog. If you're having a tricky time with the blog - just send me an email and I can post it for you. Dad and the rest of our family will continue to enjoy the comments and stories about Mom for a long time to come!
We have much love and gratitude for good friends and family!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
TENDER MERCIES & AMAZING HELP
The last of the 'extra' family left yesterday. Now it's Mom & Dad, their 3 daughters (Shenna - myself, Heather & Reaka) and my husband, Brian, left here. It was so wonderful to have time together this last weekend with our entire family together - everyone got to spend at least a little time with Mom...and it was obvious that she knew who each family member was during their visit. What a Tender Mercy for our family that they could all spend a Little time with their Oma. However, all of that was pretty hectic. The house is a lot calmer now....
The Hospice nursing staff now visits just once a day and we have a Home Health Care worker that comes to spend the night hours with Mom so we can get some much needed rest. Andrea Vahey Cruz - a foster daughter of Mom & Dad's - came by yesterday and fed our tummies (yum!) and spirits! She is helping us clean up the kitchen, pantry & fridges to help them be more manageable for Dad....actually, she's really doing MOST of that work. That is such a supreme gift of service for all of us!
Another family friend - Suzanne Fox - came by and gave Mom and wonderful full body massage. Mom has been kind of restless the last few days and the massage was wonderfully relaxing and a great gift to all of us. The most important thing for Dad is to see Mom comfortable.
Mom's sister, Mildred, came by yesterday with her husband, Clif. Mildred hadn't seen Mom in the last few weeks...so we were especially glad that Mom & Dad, Mildred & Clif and myself and my grandson (Jaden - 4 years old) had just had a nice lunch and visit together a few weeks ago. Mildred is Mom's last living sibling - and we love her so much! We took Mildred into Mom's sewing studio and she immediately saw Mom's last 'unfinished project' sitting on her design/sewing table. Mom had shown Mildred this project when they were together a few weeks ago and explained all the little ideas and techniques she was going to use on it. The project is a copy on fabric (by the Pixeladies) of a Grant Wood painting and Mom was really excited about her ideas. Mildred is also a wonderful and gifted seamstress and excellent quilter and she asked if she could finish that project for Mom. Of course, we said 'YES!' That is another wonderful gift for us to have Mom's last project finished by someone that we all love, that loves her so much and that has shared a lifetime of sewing and creativity with Mom. She promised us a picture of the finished project!
It is absolutely impossible to give individual thanks to all who have helped, are helping and have offered to help us. We are so grateful for the outpouring of love and support being shown for our Mom & Dad. And it's not over yet!...I know there will be many more opportunities for service and many more Gifts of Love received.
The Hospice nursing staff now visits just once a day and we have a Home Health Care worker that comes to spend the night hours with Mom so we can get some much needed rest. Andrea Vahey Cruz - a foster daughter of Mom & Dad's - came by yesterday and fed our tummies (yum!) and spirits! She is helping us clean up the kitchen, pantry & fridges to help them be more manageable for Dad....actually, she's really doing MOST of that work. That is such a supreme gift of service for all of us!
Another family friend - Suzanne Fox - came by and gave Mom and wonderful full body massage. Mom has been kind of restless the last few days and the massage was wonderfully relaxing and a great gift to all of us. The most important thing for Dad is to see Mom comfortable.
Mom's sister, Mildred, came by yesterday with her husband, Clif. Mildred hadn't seen Mom in the last few weeks...so we were especially glad that Mom & Dad, Mildred & Clif and myself and my grandson (Jaden - 4 years old) had just had a nice lunch and visit together a few weeks ago. Mildred is Mom's last living sibling - and we love her so much! We took Mildred into Mom's sewing studio and she immediately saw Mom's last 'unfinished project' sitting on her design/sewing table. Mom had shown Mildred this project when they were together a few weeks ago and explained all the little ideas and techniques she was going to use on it. The project is a copy on fabric (by the Pixeladies) of a Grant Wood painting and Mom was really excited about her ideas. Mildred is also a wonderful and gifted seamstress and excellent quilter and she asked if she could finish that project for Mom. Of course, we said 'YES!' That is another wonderful gift for us to have Mom's last project finished by someone that we all love, that loves her so much and that has shared a lifetime of sewing and creativity with Mom. She promised us a picture of the finished project!
It is absolutely impossible to give individual thanks to all who have helped, are helping and have offered to help us. We are so grateful for the outpouring of love and support being shown for our Mom & Dad. And it's not over yet!...I know there will be many more opportunities for service and many more Gifts of Love received.
Monday, October 5, 2009
VISITORS...AND MORE
It has been a busy and wonderful weekend! Mom's family - Dad, daughters and their husbands, grandkids and their wives/husbands and greatgrandsons - have all been together. We've each had a chance to talk to Mom/Emma/Oma - and tell her we love her and will miss her. We've watched an old family video, shared fond and funny memories, eaten great food (and lots more chocolate!), cried & laughed and played dominoes together. The last of the extended family will leave this morning and Dad, my sisters (Heather & Reaka), myself and my husband (Brian) will still be here in town to take care of Mom & each other.
It is time for us to ask those of you who would like to visit Mom to please just keep her in your memories as she was before. Mom isn't looking like herself (watching the Family Video we were all reminded of what a beauty she once was and what a knock-out couple Mom & Dad made!) and Mom isn't able to respond to guests any longer. Dad would still LOVE to have people come visit him - he needs your support and is enjoying having his friends share their love for Mom. Please continue to share your memories and Emma Stories on this blog - Dad retreats to the computer several times each day to read your comments and comes away with tears and a Big Smile on his face. We all love hearing your wonderful memories!
My sister, Reaka, has a friend who works with Hospice that gave her some counsel to share with the rest of our family. She suggested that we each be sure to tell Mom the following....
1 - We LOVE you
2 - We will MISS you
3 - We will NEVER FORGET you
4 - We will TAKE CARE of each other
5 - It's OKAY to go
...while she no longer responds, she can hear us...and we know she that when she is released from this body, she will know all that has happened during her last days on earth. We want her to be pleased with the way our family has behaved!
Dad gave Mom a beautiful Priesthood Blessing yesterday. As her husband and the Patriarch of our family, he told her how much he had learned from her, that she had made him a better person, that he would always love her, that she had raised daughters that she could be proud of, that she had lived a wonderful and full life... and more tender thoughts. All of the adult 'boys' in the family were joined in that beautiful circle of prayer and the rest of the family was privileged to listen and share in this sacred experience. Another Tender Mercy!
Among the tender moments we continue to have humor!...
When Dad & I took Mom to the Emergency Room last Sat (Sept 26), the nurse asked Mom several questions - including 'does she wear dentures'. Dad responded 'no'...and I responded 'yes'. Dad was surprised at my answer (and I at his!) and I told him that Mom does wear dentures. I just assumed that he had forgotten about that fact in all the stuff that was going on that day.
Yesterday, it became apparent that Mom's dentures weren't fitting correctly any longer and Dad asked the Hospice nurse to please remove them...which she gently did. Dad told me that he couldn't believe that he didn't know that Mom wore dentures and asked me how I knew about it. I told him that as a little girl I would sneak in to Mom's jewelry box to look at her pretty things and she often kept her bridge (later to become a full set of upper dentures) in there wrapped in a tissue. He was just amazed that after living with Mom and sharing 54 years of life together - he was still learning new things about her! I told him that I thought we would probably continue to learn more new things about Mom for some time to come...she's a woman with many 'layers'!
By the way - after Dad and I laughed about 'the dentures' together, he told me 'you should tell this story on The Blog'...so I'm not revealing any 'dark secrets'!
It is time for us to ask those of you who would like to visit Mom to please just keep her in your memories as she was before. Mom isn't looking like herself (watching the Family Video we were all reminded of what a beauty she once was and what a knock-out couple Mom & Dad made!) and Mom isn't able to respond to guests any longer. Dad would still LOVE to have people come visit him - he needs your support and is enjoying having his friends share their love for Mom. Please continue to share your memories and Emma Stories on this blog - Dad retreats to the computer several times each day to read your comments and comes away with tears and a Big Smile on his face. We all love hearing your wonderful memories!
My sister, Reaka, has a friend who works with Hospice that gave her some counsel to share with the rest of our family. She suggested that we each be sure to tell Mom the following....
1 - We LOVE you
2 - We will MISS you
3 - We will NEVER FORGET you
4 - We will TAKE CARE of each other
5 - It's OKAY to go
...while she no longer responds, she can hear us...and we know she that when she is released from this body, she will know all that has happened during her last days on earth. We want her to be pleased with the way our family has behaved!
Dad gave Mom a beautiful Priesthood Blessing yesterday. As her husband and the Patriarch of our family, he told her how much he had learned from her, that she had made him a better person, that he would always love her, that she had raised daughters that she could be proud of, that she had lived a wonderful and full life... and more tender thoughts. All of the adult 'boys' in the family were joined in that beautiful circle of prayer and the rest of the family was privileged to listen and share in this sacred experience. Another Tender Mercy!
Among the tender moments we continue to have humor!...
When Dad & I took Mom to the Emergency Room last Sat (Sept 26), the nurse asked Mom several questions - including 'does she wear dentures'. Dad responded 'no'...and I responded 'yes'. Dad was surprised at my answer (and I at his!) and I told him that Mom does wear dentures. I just assumed that he had forgotten about that fact in all the stuff that was going on that day.
Yesterday, it became apparent that Mom's dentures weren't fitting correctly any longer and Dad asked the Hospice nurse to please remove them...which she gently did. Dad told me that he couldn't believe that he didn't know that Mom wore dentures and asked me how I knew about it. I told him that as a little girl I would sneak in to Mom's jewelry box to look at her pretty things and she often kept her bridge (later to become a full set of upper dentures) in there wrapped in a tissue. He was just amazed that after living with Mom and sharing 54 years of life together - he was still learning new things about her! I told him that I thought we would probably continue to learn more new things about Mom for some time to come...she's a woman with many 'layers'!
By the way - after Dad and I laughed about 'the dentures' together, he told me 'you should tell this story on The Blog'...so I'm not revealing any 'dark secrets'!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE HUMOR!
One of the things that Mom is known for is her Sense of Humor! Mom has never been very good at telling jokes - she usually gets to the punch line and either gets it backwards or just forgets it entirely. But - she loves to tell little stories that make the people around her smile or laugh! And from the memories that have been shared - her family and friends enjoy hearing them.
Here are a few fun things that have happened in the last few days:
Mom has been giving us Lots of Lists (you KNOW she's a listmaker!) of things we need to do. She asked us last Monday what the date was and when we told her, Sept 21 - she said that it was Tierney's (a grand daughter) birthday and we needed to be sure to call her right away to say 'Happy Birthday'. She has given us lists of bills to pay, reminded us to call someone about the paper products she had in her car trunk for the Folsom Quilt Guild and been happy that Dad reports that he is keeping his bed made.
A couple of days ago when she was giving us some instructions, she told us that we'd need to teach Dad to use the washing machine. As much as Dad is a wonderful help around the house and a Master in the garden - he really doesn't have much (any?) experience with a lot of the day to day household chores. I told her that we'd make sure Dad knew how to do the laundry and since he knew how to use a rototiller I was sure he could use a washing machine. Mom shook her head a little bit and wasn't quite sure. She has taken such good care of Dad for 54? years that there will be lots of things for Dad to find and figure out. Of course we know that Dad is wonderfully capable and might spend some time on a few 'treasure hunts' trying to find things - but he'll catch on to the domestic chores quickly!
Oh - I just realized that Mom & Dad's Anniversary was last week when all this was beginning....HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD! - thank you for an example of love, commitment, support, friendship, genuine admiration, service, encouragement in your relationship....the list could go on and on!
Another thing that Mom told us last week was that Dad needs help cutting his toenails! Since having hip replacement surgery years ago, it's difficult for Dad to reach his toes. She told us that he needs to take a shower first so they're softer and easier to trim. Mom said that if Dad doesn't keep his toenails trimmed, he gets holes in his socks. Dad said he could just buy new socks. I told her that we could also cut the toes off the end of his shoes so the toenails could just grow out. She rolled her eyes at our ridiculous suggestions and shook her head...those suggestions were just NOT acceptable!
Dr. Cen was the Hematologist that gave us Mom's diagnosis and helped our family understand her situation. Mom really liked him!...and so do we. She told him that know she knew about what he does in his work and that he should come to her home and see what she does - she'd like him to see that. You know how much Mom LOVES people to see her home! I think he was taken aback by her invitation - I don't know how often he gets invited to his patient's homes - but I believe he was also pleased.
Mom was telling Dr. Cen that she was just amazed at what was going on. How quickly she had become ill and with the diagnosis. She said 'it all started with a bloody nose'. Then she told Dr. Cen how her Dad taught her to take care of a bloody nose:
"You take a small piece of tissue and fold it up flat. Not as wide as your mustache (Dr Cen has a mustache) but wider than Hitler's mustache (those are Mom's words!). Then you get it a little wet, squeeze out the water and place it under your top lip in front of your gums - right under your nose." Dr. Cen didn't really know what to make of Mom's little story, but it sure made Heather & Dad & I laugh!
We had a wonderful day together yesterday (Saturday) as a family. The youngest kids spent hours in Opa's garden catching butterflies (actually cabbage moths), having them tickle their hands and putting them in a jar to watch them flutter. The rest of us visited, shared silly stories, spent time loving and taking care of Mom, visiting with guests...and eating! Of course, the chocolate is flowing freely in the Allebes home right now! Mom doesn't really have any appetite, but she's eaten half a container of chocolate ice cream by herself in the last couple of days and Dad loves the opportunity to feed her.
Mom told us a couple of days ago that she was concerned about what would happen with 'all my beautiful clothes'. She said they could NOT just go to DI (Deseret Industries). We promised her we wouldn't do that! We shared a couple of ideas with her and decided that we would have the 'gals' in her immediate family get first choice of keeping anything they wanted of Mom's clothes, shoes and hats. Tierney picked Mom's 'Taxi Cab' outfit and Sloane pick Mom's 'Pearly' outfit to keep - those are probably the 2 best 'known' Wearable Art garments that Mom has made. They will be loved by those 2 granddaughters always. The rest of us found different things we would enjoy having - to wear or to just remember the wonderful, creativity of Mom/Oma.
Of course, Mom also has a fabulous collection of hats and shoes that coordinate with many of her outfits...they also need good homes! The girls had fun playing 'dress up' in the back room - putting on different hats, primping and being silly. The 'twenty-something' girls were often surprised and thrilled to see how 'totally cool' and 'vintage chic' some of Mom's clothes, hats and shoes are. It was great to hear their laughter and see them having so much fun. Although Mom was resting, I know she's delighted that they were having a blast playing in her closet! And when they were the things they've chosen - they'll have sweet memories of Oma....
Tyler - Reaka's oldest son - even picked out a couple of Mom's brightly colored linen blazers to wear to school on game days. His High School basketball team is expected to dress up on the days they have games - he'll be 'styling' and flashy in his purple, orange or chartreuse linen blazers. We know Mom will be watching over our family - and she'll think that's 'a hoot'! You know she has never minded standing out in a crowd - she'll love it that the kids at school will see Tyler coming from the other end of the hall!
Last night the granddaughters and I raided Mom's buttons jars and made Button Bracelets. We went to Tayo's Fabrics during the day to buy the bracelet blanks and glue and the girls enjoyed looking around and remembering being there many times with their Oma. We said 'hi' to the chickens in Fair Oaks Village, got lunch for the entire family at the Sunflower Restaurant (LOVE those Nut Burgers!) and after wonderful pies for dessert (Thank You Fair Oaks Ward friends for all the wonderful food!), the girls and I sat down in the evening at Mom's dining room table and played with her buttons. They now each have their own button bracelet to wear and remind them of their Oma when they leave to go home later today.
After all that had gone on during the day - Mom's black and white checkerboard kitchen floor was quite a sight! If it was at my own home, I would have just 'saved it for tomorrow'...but Mom would Never do that! So I got out the broom and swept the floor and Dad showed me how they use their mop (quite an effective little trick with a damp rag) and the floor was quickly clean like Mom would have it before going to bed.
Another Wonderful, Tender Day.....
Here are a few fun things that have happened in the last few days:
Mom has been giving us Lots of Lists (you KNOW she's a listmaker!) of things we need to do. She asked us last Monday what the date was and when we told her, Sept 21 - she said that it was Tierney's (a grand daughter) birthday and we needed to be sure to call her right away to say 'Happy Birthday'. She has given us lists of bills to pay, reminded us to call someone about the paper products she had in her car trunk for the Folsom Quilt Guild and been happy that Dad reports that he is keeping his bed made.
A couple of days ago when she was giving us some instructions, she told us that we'd need to teach Dad to use the washing machine. As much as Dad is a wonderful help around the house and a Master in the garden - he really doesn't have much (any?) experience with a lot of the day to day household chores. I told her that we'd make sure Dad knew how to do the laundry and since he knew how to use a rototiller I was sure he could use a washing machine. Mom shook her head a little bit and wasn't quite sure. She has taken such good care of Dad for 54? years that there will be lots of things for Dad to find and figure out. Of course we know that Dad is wonderfully capable and might spend some time on a few 'treasure hunts' trying to find things - but he'll catch on to the domestic chores quickly!
Oh - I just realized that Mom & Dad's Anniversary was last week when all this was beginning....HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD! - thank you for an example of love, commitment, support, friendship, genuine admiration, service, encouragement in your relationship....the list could go on and on!
Another thing that Mom told us last week was that Dad needs help cutting his toenails! Since having hip replacement surgery years ago, it's difficult for Dad to reach his toes. She told us that he needs to take a shower first so they're softer and easier to trim. Mom said that if Dad doesn't keep his toenails trimmed, he gets holes in his socks. Dad said he could just buy new socks. I told her that we could also cut the toes off the end of his shoes so the toenails could just grow out. She rolled her eyes at our ridiculous suggestions and shook her head...those suggestions were just NOT acceptable!
Dr. Cen was the Hematologist that gave us Mom's diagnosis and helped our family understand her situation. Mom really liked him!...and so do we. She told him that know she knew about what he does in his work and that he should come to her home and see what she does - she'd like him to see that. You know how much Mom LOVES people to see her home! I think he was taken aback by her invitation - I don't know how often he gets invited to his patient's homes - but I believe he was also pleased.
Mom was telling Dr. Cen that she was just amazed at what was going on. How quickly she had become ill and with the diagnosis. She said 'it all started with a bloody nose'. Then she told Dr. Cen how her Dad taught her to take care of a bloody nose:
"You take a small piece of tissue and fold it up flat. Not as wide as your mustache (Dr Cen has a mustache) but wider than Hitler's mustache (those are Mom's words!). Then you get it a little wet, squeeze out the water and place it under your top lip in front of your gums - right under your nose." Dr. Cen didn't really know what to make of Mom's little story, but it sure made Heather & Dad & I laugh!
We had a wonderful day together yesterday (Saturday) as a family. The youngest kids spent hours in Opa's garden catching butterflies (actually cabbage moths), having them tickle their hands and putting them in a jar to watch them flutter. The rest of us visited, shared silly stories, spent time loving and taking care of Mom, visiting with guests...and eating! Of course, the chocolate is flowing freely in the Allebes home right now! Mom doesn't really have any appetite, but she's eaten half a container of chocolate ice cream by herself in the last couple of days and Dad loves the opportunity to feed her.
Mom told us a couple of days ago that she was concerned about what would happen with 'all my beautiful clothes'. She said they could NOT just go to DI (Deseret Industries). We promised her we wouldn't do that! We shared a couple of ideas with her and decided that we would have the 'gals' in her immediate family get first choice of keeping anything they wanted of Mom's clothes, shoes and hats. Tierney picked Mom's 'Taxi Cab' outfit and Sloane pick Mom's 'Pearly' outfit to keep - those are probably the 2 best 'known' Wearable Art garments that Mom has made. They will be loved by those 2 granddaughters always. The rest of us found different things we would enjoy having - to wear or to just remember the wonderful, creativity of Mom/Oma.
Of course, Mom also has a fabulous collection of hats and shoes that coordinate with many of her outfits...they also need good homes! The girls had fun playing 'dress up' in the back room - putting on different hats, primping and being silly. The 'twenty-something' girls were often surprised and thrilled to see how 'totally cool' and 'vintage chic' some of Mom's clothes, hats and shoes are. It was great to hear their laughter and see them having so much fun. Although Mom was resting, I know she's delighted that they were having a blast playing in her closet! And when they were the things they've chosen - they'll have sweet memories of Oma....
Tyler - Reaka's oldest son - even picked out a couple of Mom's brightly colored linen blazers to wear to school on game days. His High School basketball team is expected to dress up on the days they have games - he'll be 'styling' and flashy in his purple, orange or chartreuse linen blazers. We know Mom will be watching over our family - and she'll think that's 'a hoot'! You know she has never minded standing out in a crowd - she'll love it that the kids at school will see Tyler coming from the other end of the hall!
Last night the granddaughters and I raided Mom's buttons jars and made Button Bracelets. We went to Tayo's Fabrics during the day to buy the bracelet blanks and glue and the girls enjoyed looking around and remembering being there many times with their Oma. We said 'hi' to the chickens in Fair Oaks Village, got lunch for the entire family at the Sunflower Restaurant (LOVE those Nut Burgers!) and after wonderful pies for dessert (Thank You Fair Oaks Ward friends for all the wonderful food!), the girls and I sat down in the evening at Mom's dining room table and played with her buttons. They now each have their own button bracelet to wear and remind them of their Oma when they leave to go home later today.
After all that had gone on during the day - Mom's black and white checkerboard kitchen floor was quite a sight! If it was at my own home, I would have just 'saved it for tomorrow'...but Mom would Never do that! So I got out the broom and swept the floor and Dad showed me how they use their mop (quite an effective little trick with a damp rag) and the floor was quickly clean like Mom would have it before going to bed.
Another Wonderful, Tender Day.....
Friday, October 2, 2009
A WONDERFUL DAY - FAMILY & FRIENDS
This has truly been an amazing day. The family is now all here...what a group! Mom & Dad love all of us so much...and we love them! My prayers the last couple of days have been that during this weekend, Mom could be alert enough to enjoy her family and that the kids & grandkids coming into town would have an opportunity to express their love for their Mom & Oma. That has been happening all day long!
The house has been busy with Hospice help (wonderful people!), lots of friends visiting, friends from Mom & Dad's church bringing over dinner for ALL of us. And add to all that the 23 of us! During some stretches of the day, Mom has been much more alert than in several previous days. It seems that almost every time visitors have come, she has become aware and able to express her appreciation for her guests....what a wonderful blessing and answer to prayer!
We've had deliveries of beautiful flowers, many lovely cards, a wonderful meal, lots of chocolate, portacribs, etc. Mom & Dad have such wonderful friends. Since the 3 of us 'girls' grew up in this area, it is nice for us to also have an opportunity to renew so many friendships. Mom has enjoyed chocolates with caramel, plain dark chocolate, chocolate pudding, chocolate ice cream, melted chocolate ice cream to make chocolate milk (are you seeing a theme here!?)...applesauce, ice chips and some nice drinks of water and milk. Probably more than she has eaten in the last 3-4 days combined! She NEVER complains - but has made a couple of funny faces about some of the medicines she takes. More chocolate to wash it down!
The house has been busy with Hospice help (wonderful people!), lots of friends visiting, friends from Mom & Dad's church bringing over dinner for ALL of us. And add to all that the 23 of us! During some stretches of the day, Mom has been much more alert than in several previous days. It seems that almost every time visitors have come, she has become aware and able to express her appreciation for her guests....what a wonderful blessing and answer to prayer!
We've had deliveries of beautiful flowers, many lovely cards, a wonderful meal, lots of chocolate, portacribs, etc. Mom & Dad have such wonderful friends. Since the 3 of us 'girls' grew up in this area, it is nice for us to also have an opportunity to renew so many friendships. Mom has enjoyed chocolates with caramel, plain dark chocolate, chocolate pudding, chocolate ice cream, melted chocolate ice cream to make chocolate milk (are you seeing a theme here!?)...applesauce, ice chips and some nice drinks of water and milk. Probably more than she has eaten in the last 3-4 days combined! She NEVER complains - but has made a couple of funny faces about some of the medicines she takes. More chocolate to wash it down!
MOM IS HOME!
Mom is home!
Thursday was a long day for Mom. During the morning and while still at the hospital – she was anxious to BE home and kept wondering when that would happen. The staff at Kaiser have been so amazing and supportive – I was impressed and grateful with how quickly everything was taken care of.
I had to run an errand for the nurses to the Pharmacy and that took me about 40 minutes. When I returned – Mom told me about enjoying several visitors that had come. I found that surprising and I asked the nurses about the visitors – they didn’t recall seeing anyone come to her room. Her friend, Aileen Kelly who plays the harp – asked a fellow harpist (Elizabeth) to come with her harp and play for Mom at the hospital. That was during the time when Mom was feeling especially anxious about wanting to be home. The music calmed Mom and she relaxed and fell asleep – nice and soundly for a little while. Another Tender Mercy! So – those that actually DO visit, and those friends that she is seeing and remembering in her mind – are all blessings to her and our family.
Her mind is still very alert and she’s still giving us ‘to do’ lists! Mom likes to watch TV while she is in her sewing studio. She kind of ‘follows’ the soap opera “All My Children”. I turned that on yesterday while we were waiting in the hospital to help keep her mind off wondering when she would get to go home. She was telling me all about the plot, who was the good guy and bad guy and who was a really bad lady that killed someone’s brother and someone else was the son of the guy that was killed and someone else was being accused of that murder….she still has all her marbles!
After being transported home, Mom was tired (and a little stressed from the trip) the rest of the day. We had arranged a place for her hospital bed in the family room – where she can see what is going on, look out at Dad’s beautiful garden, enjoy her birdhouses in the backyard and we can watch her and visit with her when she is alert. We had rearranged a few things to make room for her and once she was settled – she had Heather and I busy rearranging them more to her taste! She insisted that we put her ‘Pearly’ outfit right at the end of her bed and up high enough that she can see it any time. She’s still Emma!
She has enjoyed the visitors – and so has Dad. It means a lot to all of us that so many of Mom’s friends want to tell her they love her….both in person, with cards, and through comments on this blog. She’s NOT real talkative right now...WOW – that’s a first! – but she’s so glad to see her friends! Her favorite treats right now are ice chips and chocolate.
Hospice came yesterday also and has arranged to have 24 hour care for Mom in her home. We have hospice coming today for the first shift – the round the clock care should begin tomorrow. We are so grateful for that service! My sisters and I are happy to take care of Mom, but it requires so much time and energy and is so very different from what we are used to – that we are already feeling the exhaustion setting in. There are also a lot of other matters that we need to take care of at this time. And we want Dad to be as relaxed as possible about how Mom is being cared for….we all have great confidence in the professionals! More blessings….
Mom & Dad’s home is now a sacred place….full of love, memories and tenderness. Dad & Mom have always thought of their home as ‘a little piece of Heaven on Earth’…it truly is right now.
Thursday was a long day for Mom. During the morning and while still at the hospital – she was anxious to BE home and kept wondering when that would happen. The staff at Kaiser have been so amazing and supportive – I was impressed and grateful with how quickly everything was taken care of.
I had to run an errand for the nurses to the Pharmacy and that took me about 40 minutes. When I returned – Mom told me about enjoying several visitors that had come. I found that surprising and I asked the nurses about the visitors – they didn’t recall seeing anyone come to her room. Her friend, Aileen Kelly who plays the harp – asked a fellow harpist (Elizabeth) to come with her harp and play for Mom at the hospital. That was during the time when Mom was feeling especially anxious about wanting to be home. The music calmed Mom and she relaxed and fell asleep – nice and soundly for a little while. Another Tender Mercy! So – those that actually DO visit, and those friends that she is seeing and remembering in her mind – are all blessings to her and our family.
Her mind is still very alert and she’s still giving us ‘to do’ lists! Mom likes to watch TV while she is in her sewing studio. She kind of ‘follows’ the soap opera “All My Children”. I turned that on yesterday while we were waiting in the hospital to help keep her mind off wondering when she would get to go home. She was telling me all about the plot, who was the good guy and bad guy and who was a really bad lady that killed someone’s brother and someone else was the son of the guy that was killed and someone else was being accused of that murder….she still has all her marbles!
After being transported home, Mom was tired (and a little stressed from the trip) the rest of the day. We had arranged a place for her hospital bed in the family room – where she can see what is going on, look out at Dad’s beautiful garden, enjoy her birdhouses in the backyard and we can watch her and visit with her when she is alert. We had rearranged a few things to make room for her and once she was settled – she had Heather and I busy rearranging them more to her taste! She insisted that we put her ‘Pearly’ outfit right at the end of her bed and up high enough that she can see it any time. She’s still Emma!
She has enjoyed the visitors – and so has Dad. It means a lot to all of us that so many of Mom’s friends want to tell her they love her….both in person, with cards, and through comments on this blog. She’s NOT real talkative right now...WOW – that’s a first! – but she’s so glad to see her friends! Her favorite treats right now are ice chips and chocolate.
Hospice came yesterday also and has arranged to have 24 hour care for Mom in her home. We have hospice coming today for the first shift – the round the clock care should begin tomorrow. We are so grateful for that service! My sisters and I are happy to take care of Mom, but it requires so much time and energy and is so very different from what we are used to – that we are already feeling the exhaustion setting in. There are also a lot of other matters that we need to take care of at this time. And we want Dad to be as relaxed as possible about how Mom is being cared for….we all have great confidence in the professionals! More blessings….
Mom & Dad’s home is now a sacred place….full of love, memories and tenderness. Dad & Mom have always thought of their home as ‘a little piece of Heaven on Earth’…it truly is right now.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
MOM IS COMING HOME!!!
Mom/Emma is coming home today! The nurses, doctors and staff at Kaiser Morse Ave have been amazing in taking wonderful care of Mom, explaining so many things to all of us (Mom and her family), and making it possible to have Mom come home as quickly as possible. We are so very grateful to them!
I'm not sure exactly how all this will happen today - we don't usually get to practice this kind of stuff in our lives - but we expect that the medical equipment will be delivered this morning and that Mom will arrive at home sometime this afternoon. I expect that she will be tired from the travel and not sure how ready she'll be for visitors. We're playing a lot of this by ear...
We are bringing Mom home so she can enjoy as much time with family and friends as possible. We WANT and encourage her friends to visit. However, I know you will also understand if you call or come by and we tell you that it isn't a great time...we will appreciate your patience, love and prayers!
We really can't have the phones ringing off the hook - we need to spend our time caring for Mom and taking care of so many things that need attention. We have set up a couple of ways for you to contact us:
Reaka - my youngest sister - will receive phone calls on her cell phone at: 408-710-1036. She may not answer every call immediately, but she will respond via return call or text. She will be in town Fri morning (Oct 2) and we would appreciate it if you contact her between Fri-Sun to see if it will be a good time to visit. Mom's family will be in town during that time and we will appreciate being able to have as much of that time available for our family as possible.
Mom's grandchildren will only have this last short time to be with her.
Thurs afternoon and evening, Fri morning (Oct 1 & 2) - before all the famly arrives - we will encourage friends to drop by. On Thur, you can call Mom's home directly - again we may not answer immediately but if you leave a message, we will get back to you. Or - if you would like to just drop by, you are welcome to do that but please understand that Mom may be sleeping - she drifts in and out all the time.
Visits do need to be brief - please. And - if you have even a little touch of 'something' and are under the weather (or just plain sick!) - please send Mom an email, card or ....something - but we need you to keep your germs home, please...;)! We don't want to complicate Mom's situation with anything else and our own family needs to stay healthy while we're taking care of her.
Mom IS very weak - but we are bringing her home so family and friends CAN come. She loves her friends so much and we don't want to discourage you coming by...please do!
If you can't come by but would like to share a message for Mom, a story or memory of an experience you've had with Mom and/or a photo - you're welcome - and encouraged! - to send an email to me at: shenna@bmealey.com or directly to the blog (my first choice since it will save me some time!). We will share those with Mom, and Dad and our family will appreciate having your thoughts to read and enjoy in the future. I will post all comments and messages I receive concerning Mom also on the blog - if you send me an email and would prefer that it be kept private - please let me know and I'll respect that wish.
I don't want to sound alarming - but there really isn't much time....if you want to be in touch with Mom - I really encourage you to not procrastinate a long time....I will try to post on the blog each day - so you can know what is currently going on. I will also try to get a blog posted in the next day or two that will explain more about how this all began and what Mom has been going through. We also want to share some of the amazing and humorous things that Mom is sharing with us during this time. Thank you for your patience, love and support!
Our family is so blessed and strengthened by our faith in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and our knowledge that we can be together again with those we love after we die...also by our love for each other, by the example Mom is for us and by the many wonderful friendships we all enjoy...thank you for being part of that.
I'm not sure exactly how all this will happen today - we don't usually get to practice this kind of stuff in our lives - but we expect that the medical equipment will be delivered this morning and that Mom will arrive at home sometime this afternoon. I expect that she will be tired from the travel and not sure how ready she'll be for visitors. We're playing a lot of this by ear...
We are bringing Mom home so she can enjoy as much time with family and friends as possible. We WANT and encourage her friends to visit. However, I know you will also understand if you call or come by and we tell you that it isn't a great time...we will appreciate your patience, love and prayers!
We really can't have the phones ringing off the hook - we need to spend our time caring for Mom and taking care of so many things that need attention. We have set up a couple of ways for you to contact us:
Reaka - my youngest sister - will receive phone calls on her cell phone at: 408-710-1036. She may not answer every call immediately, but she will respond via return call or text. She will be in town Fri morning (Oct 2) and we would appreciate it if you contact her between Fri-Sun to see if it will be a good time to visit. Mom's family will be in town during that time and we will appreciate being able to have as much of that time available for our family as possible.
Mom's grandchildren will only have this last short time to be with her.
Thurs afternoon and evening, Fri morning (Oct 1 & 2) - before all the famly arrives - we will encourage friends to drop by. On Thur, you can call Mom's home directly - again we may not answer immediately but if you leave a message, we will get back to you. Or - if you would like to just drop by, you are welcome to do that but please understand that Mom may be sleeping - she drifts in and out all the time.
Visits do need to be brief - please. And - if you have even a little touch of 'something' and are under the weather (or just plain sick!) - please send Mom an email, card or ....something - but we need you to keep your germs home, please...;)! We don't want to complicate Mom's situation with anything else and our own family needs to stay healthy while we're taking care of her.
Mom IS very weak - but we are bringing her home so family and friends CAN come. She loves her friends so much and we don't want to discourage you coming by...please do!
If you can't come by but would like to share a message for Mom, a story or memory of an experience you've had with Mom and/or a photo - you're welcome - and encouraged! - to send an email to me at: shenna@bmealey.com or directly to the blog (my first choice since it will save me some time!). We will share those with Mom, and Dad and our family will appreciate having your thoughts to read and enjoy in the future. I will post all comments and messages I receive concerning Mom also on the blog - if you send me an email and would prefer that it be kept private - please let me know and I'll respect that wish.
I don't want to sound alarming - but there really isn't much time....if you want to be in touch with Mom - I really encourage you to not procrastinate a long time....I will try to post on the blog each day - so you can know what is currently going on. I will also try to get a blog posted in the next day or two that will explain more about how this all began and what Mom has been going through. We also want to share some of the amazing and humorous things that Mom is sharing with us during this time. Thank you for your patience, love and support!
Our family is so blessed and strengthened by our faith in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and our knowledge that we can be together again with those we love after we die...also by our love for each other, by the example Mom is for us and by the many wonderful friendships we all enjoy...thank you for being part of that.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
MOM IS SICK...
Hi Everyone - I'm Mom/Emma's oldest daughter. We know that Mom has so many great friends at church, in the neighborhood and among the many organizations she belongs to that will be interested in how she is doing. I can't possibly answer all the phone calls and explain the circumstances to all who are interested so we decided to create this blog about our Mom - Emma Allebes. Those of you who know Mom well, will appreciate the black and white checkerboard and bright yellow...think of Mom's Taxi Cab outfit. Chris (my oldest son) set this up for me - thanks!
Following is a copy of the email I sent to family and a few friends yesterday....I will add more info to this blog explaining how all this came to be and keeping everyone updated on Mom's current situation. Please send comments back to the blog that we can share with Mom. We'd love to have you share fun stories, special memories and good wishes.
Just a brief preview for those who didn't even know Mom was 'under the weather'...Mom had been feeling kind of 'punk' for about 3 weeks. However, it wasn't until the middle of last week that we started to get concerned. On Wed, Sept 23 - Mom had a series of blood tests done, and by Saturday, Sept 26 - we admitted Mom to the hospital at Kaiser Morse Ave.....it's been quite a rollercoaster ever since that time!
Here's a copy of the email I sent out yesterday - Sept 29:
I just wanted to send you a quick email about Mom. It's been an amazing day full of tears and laughter.
Following is a copy of the email I sent to family and a few friends yesterday....I will add more info to this blog explaining how all this came to be and keeping everyone updated on Mom's current situation. Please send comments back to the blog that we can share with Mom. We'd love to have you share fun stories, special memories and good wishes.
Just a brief preview for those who didn't even know Mom was 'under the weather'...Mom had been feeling kind of 'punk' for about 3 weeks. However, it wasn't until the middle of last week that we started to get concerned. On Wed, Sept 23 - Mom had a series of blood tests done, and by Saturday, Sept 26 - we admitted Mom to the hospital at Kaiser Morse Ave.....it's been quite a rollercoaster ever since that time!
Here's a copy of the email I sent out yesterday - Sept 29:
I just wanted to send you a quick email about Mom. It's been an amazing day full of tears and laughter.
We've had lots of questions, answers and decisions to make - some of them have been hard but the final decision has brought all of us a lot of peace and comfort.
Mom has Acute Myeloid Leukemia. At this point, with Mom's age and the progress of Leukemia, treatment options are limited and only promise a very short term possibility of success - if any.
Mom has chosen to come home as soon as possible. She doesn't want to have any pain, she doesn't want to suffer, she wants to be home with her family and friends around. Although she is still very weak - she totally understood what the doctor was telling her. She was surprised at the diagnosis and her options - not what she expected at all...but she accepts it. Her words are: 'I've had a good life and a lot of fun. I know my family loves me and my family knows I love them.'
The doctor moved Mom to a private room in the Oncology Ward - E8 - where she will be more comfortable and very well cared for while we are making the arrangments to have her come home. I'm not sure how involved all that will be but I am optimistic that we can get her home before the weekend...if not, it would be at least Monday and we really don't want to her to have to wait that long.
Tomorrow we will be busy moving forward on that. Heather and I will be busy with whatever needs to be done, Reaka will go home to her family in Morgan Hill and we hope to allow Dad to have the day tomorrow to spend with Mom....they need some special time of their own. After we (the doctor and family) talked to Mom and she understood what was happening and let us know her feelings, Dad asked everyone to leave Mom's room (her roommate had been moved out by then also - yeah!) and they spent about a half hour just together. He needed that time alone with his Sweetheart.
Please be assured that our family is not taking this decision lightly. My previous plan personally had been to ask the doctor for copies of Mom's records, etc and to ask for a second opinion and to include alternative healing with our options. We had a family prayer with the doctor before our meeting this afternoon and are very grateful for the doctor's gentleness and frankness with us. All 5 of us (parents and 3 sisters) have come to this peaceful conclusion together. The RNs, CNAs and other support staff at the Camellia Bldg at Kaiser Morse have been so amazingly kind and supportive to us as a family and to Mom as their patient - we are so very grateful to them for that....they have been wonderful!
Once Mom was moved to the new room - she announced that she needed chocolate and sent Reaka on a quest. I came back from calling Brian (my husband) and Mom's sister to tell them the news and found chocolate being passed around and Mom giving more instructions. I totally agreed that a dose of chocolate was in order! Her demeanor has changed sooo much since knowing she will be coming home (and going 'home') - she's talking about all the people she's going to get to see with fondness - her parents, her sister, Dad's parents, Leslie Williams, a special Aunt - and she's making jokes. She's in better spirits than she's been in at least a week! We (Dad and my sisters and I) all feel total peace and comfort along with some sadness and tenderness about this decision. We know that the next couple/few weeks will be challenging and want to enjoy as much as possible the special times we will be allowed together with Mom as her friends and family.
It's been a long day and I need to get to bed to be rested for tomorrow. I had hoped to set up a blog tonight to contact and inform Mom's family and friends of her situation but that will have to wait for tomorrow or.....as soon as I can do it.
Feel free to share this info/email with anyone you think will be interested...I'll be sending out more info (about what has happened the last 4 weeks, what people can do to help, how people can arrange to see Mom, etc) hopefully tomorrow. If anyone wants to visit Mom in the next couple of days (Wed or Thur) - she will be at Kaiser Morse, Oncology Wing, E8. My cell phone minutes are pretty much used up - so I think I'll be using it only for communicating with my husband (free minutes) or emergencies.
Pam & Dorothy - you have both been so supportive that I wanted to be sure to keep you aware of what has happened. Thank you both so much for your help and support. I personally have felt so much comfort from having both of you encourage and guide me and give suggestions during this last week. What a Journey!
Hugs and Love -
Shenna Mealey
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